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Edition No. 10 | April 14, 2023
After every Masters week, I feel like a deep-sea diver or an astronaut who needs to be put in a room away from all other humans in order to become reacclimatized with life outside of Augusta National.
Oh, food that isn’t 99.98 percent dairy?
What are those sickly brown strands growing in our front yard?
Why is everyone holding a piece of glass and staring at it?
There’s no more jarring transition in any given year for me than Masters Sunday —> Home on Monday. Thankfully taking my kids to their co-op school and seeing a kid riding a unicycle over speed bumps during an Easter egg hunt at lunchtime reminded me very much of Jordan Spieth’s four rounds at the Masters so maybe not so other after all.
Onto the goods.
The Golf Record is now live. Joseph LaMagna and I have been building a solution to some of the questions we find ourselves asking often.
How many times has Tiger Woods broken 70 at ANGC?
What is the best round by a first-timer at the Masters?
Which eventual Masters champion shot the worst first round score
Things of that nature. It was great to have during the Masters, and it’s only going to get better from here. You can check it out below or follow us on Twitter. Also, here’s a tutorial.
All very routine sports stuff.
1. The Agronomists and Horticulturists
As I was walking past the green jacket ceremony on the practice putting green on Sunday evening as the tournament came to a close, Fred Ridley took the microphone and opened the festivities by thanking the agronomy and horticulture teams at Augusta National. They then received a standing ovation.
Within the context of the Masters and specifically during that week of rain, trees falling and the desperate attempt to get the tournament in by Sunday evening, it made complete and total sense. If you step back just a foot or two though, opening a speech at the end of one of the most prestigious sporting events in the world by thanking the horticulturists is a pretty humorous thing.
2. A Green Jacket
The winner of the NHL’s most important event gets a massive trophy you can drink beer out of. The NBA and NFL champions hold these big, gold and silver fancy hunks of metal — collections of minerals that have always represented affluence and success. The winner of the Masters? He gets a suit jacket (a suit jacket!) that is probably the most coveted item in all of sports.
What high-level event has been won by fewer people? Fifty-three men won the Super Bowl this year alone. Only 56 men have won a Masters in the 90-year history of the tournament. And the reward is a grass-green colored article of clothing that you put in your closet and then return to the organization that runs the event after 12 months. Kinda incredible when you think about it.
3. Speaking of Sports Coats
I count two tartan sports coats, two men looking looking like they’re headed straight for a Civil War reenactment, a cannon firing (presumably) real cannon balls and an evergreen statement about Spieth hitting drives. This was the beginning of a professional golf tournament this week.
4. Heated Tyrrell Flipping Off a Hole
Imagine DeMar DeRozan flipping off the backboard or the rim or the wooden planks that make up the court. Not a person, mind you — that happens all the time — but an inanimate object that he believes did him wrong.
5. Phil’s Run
I wrote about it on every digital platform I could get my fingers on, but Phil finishing T2 at the Masters was BY FAR the craziest outcome of last week. Imagine LeBron losing the NBA Finals 13 years from now.
That’s what Phil is doing.
Related: Over the course of spending time together last week, the two things my friends and I joked could not possibly happen were 1. Rory missing the cut and 2. Phil winning the golf tournament. And then they both nearly happened.
A moment, quote, sidebar or tidbit I enjoyed thinking about this week.
Will you indulge three of these?
The Five Major Club
With Brooks galloping once again, it was quite fun to consider a potential entrance into the five major club. The players who have done it since WW2 (i.e. the post-plumbers and farmers era) are all one-name guys: Tiger, Jack, Hogan, Player, Watson, Snead, Palmer, Trevino, Faldo, Phil, Thomson, Seve.
OK, maybe Peter Thomson isn’t a one-name guy, but everybody else is. Monsters, thoroughbreds, legends. Whatever description you want to ascribe to them, it fits.
Will anyone from this era play his way into the five five major club? is legitimately one of my favorite golf questions in the world. For multiple three-year stretches over the last decade, it seemed like the answer was going to be a resounding yes. But now, with the present depth and future wave that’s surely coming …
Spieth’s Palindrome
I was walking out of the press building on Sunday afternoon to go catch the leaders when I noticed Spieth’s unusual front nine. Look at this.
Yep, that’s a palindrome. The same forward and backward. 3-4-4-4-3-4-4-4-3 either way you look at it. This amused me to no end, possibly because I have golf-related (and maybe Spieth-related) issues, but it also reminded me that ANGC’s nines are also palindromes.
Front nine: 4-5-4-3-4-3-4-5-4 either way
Back nine: 4-4-3-5-4-5-3-4-4 either way
This is fascinating to me, and it engendered a little digging in which I discovered that the Old Course is a full palindrome. 4-4-4-4-5-4-4-3-4-4-3-4-4-5-4-4-4-4 going both ways. Maybe I’m the only buffoon who didn’t realize this until now but it’s going to be the only thing I think about for the next three weeks.
The Moment
I’ll give you a year and you think of the first image from the Masters that pops in your head.
2016
2005
2021
2023
In order … Greller with a hand on Jordan’s back coming up 18, Tiger’s insane fist pump on 16 after the greatest short shot in the history of the game, Hideki’s caddie bowing to the course, and ……….
Two badass Spaniards holding history and one another on the birthday of the man one loved like a brother and the other revered from afar. You can say it’s overwrought (it is) and a little saccharine (sure), but it’s no contrived storyline. Rahm and JMO were talking about it on Tuesday of last week. Seve’s birthday on Easter Sunday and Rahm’s chance to push Spain ahead of South Africa for most Masters wins by a non-U.S. country.
It’s the one I’ll remember most.
This from Sandy Lyle about a senior Masters is pretty good. Would watch even if Fred Couples and Bernhard Langer would have won 17 of the first 19 that were played.
Also, I enjoy this DJ Pie take that former Masters winners should get to tee off during the Masters from where the tees were at when they won their Masters. Woosie might still be playing!
“The most dangerous story that’s ever been told is happiness lies just beyond achievement.” -Jack Raines
I unliked this tweet just so I could like it again.
I asked what everybody wanted to see happen at the Masters last week, and though it, uh, did not play out like this, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more odd and hilariously specific answer than this one.
The other question of the week elicited some spicy responses, including one current pro predicting that Jon Rahm would win 10 majors. Here it is:
Out of the following group, who ends their career with the most majors and why: Rory (currently: 4), Brooks (4), Spieth (3), Morikawa (2), JT (2), DJ (2), Rahm (2) or Scheffler (1)?
The right answer is either Rory or Brooks because winning even one major is nearly impossible, but the sexy right answer is either Spieth (I’m convinced he’ll win like nine Opens) or Rahm (he’s basically DJ but with a better short game early in his career). Probably the most consistently great player since Tiger.
👉️ I always enjoy writing this final Masters thread.
👉️ Andy Johnson on playing ANGC for the first time is terrific.
👉️ This thread of Masters champions as Taylor Swift songs by Nikki Dunagan is extraordinary.
👉️ This Q&A with Scottie Scheffler by Dylan Dethier flew under the radar, but I learned some stuff about him (he like expensive tequila!) and enjoyed it quite a bit.
👉️ I wrote about Rory’s forever war last week. Sadly, nothing has changed.
👉️ Brendan Porath wrote what I thought was the best article of the entire tournament about Phil on Thursday.
👉️ This got a bit lost, but Jose Maria Olazabal absolutely stomping after his ball on No. 6 as it rolled off the front of the green amused me to no end.
True sicko behavior within the golf community.
Every time I hear Gary Player speaking these days — which is disproportionately a lot during Masters week — even as I'm watching his lips move and hearing the sound his vocal cords make, I still always think it’s KVV doing a voiceover impersonation instead of Gary Player himself. My brain is broken.
If you’ve never heard KVV doing GP, do yourself a favor.
I also enjoyed known sicko, JT, making sure everyone knows he’s a sicko.
4: That’s the number of golfers who have lived at 2.0 strokes gained or better since the day Jon Rahm turned pro. If you’re at 2.0 strokes gained or better, you’re almost certainly a top five player in the world. It means you’re two strokes better per round than the average PGA Tour player. Here are the four guys.
Rahm: 2.26
Rory: 2.12
DJ: 2.05
JT: 2.02
Quotes worth thinking about.
“You probably don’t write your best when you have sensory blitzkrieg.” -Brandel Chamblee
Come for Brandel using the term “sensory blitzkrieg” three separate times when talking about the final round of the Masters, but stay for Rich Lerner’s reaction to it.
Honestly might be turning into the Spieth meme of the week. Just an insane collection of snapshots that can and will be used at various times over the next several months. The Greller-ball one is an all-timer.
On Sunday, Spieth gave a quote that encapsulated his entire Masters experience, all of these memes and, honestly, most of his entire career.
“I made seven birdies, so I wish I posted a lower number.”
I can’t imagine Elon dreamed the golf content would be this good, even for $44B. The response below to my tweet about JMO hitting balls on the range with “Greller in 30 days” sent me into a tailspin. An all-timer.
I missed this Phil one from a few weeks ago, but it is perfect.
Here are the results from our Masters family draft. Jude got saved by Spieth’s seven birdies a the very end after enduring runs from Hannah and (against all odds) Sadie.
*Scoring was a player’s total score and then for the rounds they missed for a MC or WD, we take the round average and add three strokes. So Rory was +4 for Round 3 and +4 Round 4 because both rounds were a 73 scoring average.
I’ll be giving away a pair of TRUE kicks to a randomly drawn referrer (just use the link below) once we hit 5,000 subscribers (currently at 4,780). The more referrals you rack up, the better your chance to win!
If you’re new here, you can subscribe below.
Edition No. 10 | April 14, 2023
After every Masters week, I feel like a deep-sea diver or an astronaut who needs to be put in a room away from all other humans in order to become reacclimatized with life outside of Augusta National.
Oh, food that isn’t 99.98 percent dairy?
What are those sickly brown strands growing in our front yard?
Why is everyone holding a piece of glass and staring at it?
There’s no more jarring transition in any given year for me than Masters Sunday —> Home on Monday. Thankfully taking my kids to their co-op school and seeing a kid riding a unicycle over speed bumps during an Easter egg hunt at lunchtime reminded me very much of Jordan Spieth’s four rounds at the Masters so maybe not so other after all.
Onto the goods.
The Golf Record is now live. Joseph LaMagna and I have been building a solution to some of the questions we find ourselves asking often.
How many times has Tiger Woods broken 70 at ANGC?
What is the best round by a first-timer at the Masters?
Which eventual Masters champion shot the worst first round score
Things of that nature. It was great to have during the Masters, and it’s only going to get better from here. You can check it out below or follow us on Twitter. Also, here’s a tutorial.
All very routine sports stuff.
1. The Agronomists and Horticulturists
As I was walking past the green jacket ceremony on the practice putting green on Sunday evening as the tournament came to a close, Fred Ridley took the microphone and opened the festivities by thanking the agronomy and horticulture teams at Augusta National. They then received a standing ovation.
Within the context of the Masters and specifically during that week of rain, trees falling and the desperate attempt to get the tournament in by Sunday evening, it made complete and total sense. If you step back just a foot or two though, opening a speech at the end of one of the most prestigious sporting events in the world by thanking the horticulturists is a pretty humorous thing.
2. A Green Jacket
The winner of the NHL’s most important event gets a massive trophy you can drink beer out of. The NBA and NFL champions hold these big, gold and silver fancy hunks of metal — collections of minerals that have always represented affluence and success. The winner of the Masters? He gets a suit jacket (a suit jacket!) that is probably the most coveted item in all of sports.
What high-level event has been won by fewer people? Fifty-three men won the Super Bowl this year alone. Only 56 men have won a Masters in the 90-year history of the tournament. And the reward is a grass-green colored article of clothing that you put in your closet and then return to the organization that runs the event after 12 months. Kinda incredible when you think about it.
3. Speaking of Sports Coats
I count two tartan sports coats, two men looking looking like they’re headed straight for a Civil War reenactment, a cannon firing (presumably) real cannon balls and an evergreen statement about Spieth hitting drives. This was the beginning of a professional golf tournament this week.
4. Heated Tyrrell Flipping Off a Hole
Imagine DeMar DeRozan flipping off the backboard or the rim or the wooden planks that make up the court. Not a person, mind you — that happens all the time — but an inanimate object that he believes did him wrong.
5. Phil’s Run
I wrote about it on every digital platform I could get my fingers on, but Phil finishing T2 at the Masters was BY FAR the craziest outcome of last week. Imagine LeBron losing the NBA Finals 13 years from now.
That’s what Phil is doing.
Related: Over the course of spending time together last week, the two things my friends and I joked could not possibly happen were 1. Rory missing the cut and 2. Phil winning the golf tournament. And then they both nearly happened.
A moment, quote, sidebar or tidbit I enjoyed thinking about this week.
Will you indulge three of these?
The Five Major Club
With Brooks galloping once again, it was quite fun to consider a potential entrance into the five major club. The players who have done it since WW2 (i.e. the post-plumbers and farmers era) are all one-name guys: Tiger, Jack, Hogan, Player, Watson, Snead, Palmer, Trevino, Faldo, Phil, Thomson, Seve.
OK, maybe Peter Thomson isn’t a one-name guy, but everybody else is. Monsters, thoroughbreds, legends. Whatever description you want to ascribe to them, it fits.
Will anyone from this era play his way into the five five major club? is legitimately one of my favorite golf questions in the world. For multiple three-year stretches over the last decade, it seemed like the answer was going to be a resounding yes. But now, with the present depth and future wave that’s surely coming …
Spieth’s Palindrome
I was walking out of the press building on Sunday afternoon to go catch the leaders when I noticed Spieth’s unusual front nine. Look at this.
Yep, that’s a palindrome. The same forward and backward. 3-4-4-4-3-4-4-4-3 either way you look at it. This amused me to no end, possibly because I have golf-related (and maybe Spieth-related) issues, but it also reminded me that ANGC’s nines are also palindromes.
Front nine: 4-5-4-3-4-3-4-5-4 either way
Back nine: 4-4-3-5-4-5-3-4-4 either way
This is fascinating to me, and it engendered a little digging in which I discovered that the Old Course is a full palindrome. 4-4-4-4-5-4-4-3-4-4-3-4-4-5-4-4-4-4 going both ways. Maybe I’m the only buffoon who didn’t realize this until now but it’s going to be the only thing I think about for the next three weeks.
The Moment
I’ll give you a year and you think of the first image from the Masters that pops in your head.
2016
2005
2021
2023
In order … Greller with a hand on Jordan’s back coming up 18, Tiger’s insane fist pump on 16 after the greatest short shot in the history of the game, Hideki’s caddie bowing to the course, and ……….
Two badass Spaniards holding history and one another on the birthday of the man one loved like a brother and the other revered from afar. You can say it’s overwrought (it is) and a little saccharine (sure), but it’s no contrived storyline. Rahm and JMO were talking about it on Tuesday of last week. Seve’s birthday on Easter Sunday and Rahm’s chance to push Spain ahead of South Africa for most Masters wins by a non-U.S. country.
It’s the one I’ll remember most.
This from Sandy Lyle about a senior Masters is pretty good. Would watch even if Fred Couples and Bernhard Langer would have won 17 of the first 19 that were played.
Also, I enjoy this DJ Pie take that former Masters winners should get to tee off during the Masters from where the tees were at when they won their Masters. Woosie might still be playing!
“The most dangerous story that’s ever been told is happiness lies just beyond achievement.” -Jack Raines
I unliked this tweet just so I could like it again.
I asked what everybody wanted to see happen at the Masters last week, and though it, uh, did not play out like this, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a more odd and hilariously specific answer than this one.
The other question of the week elicited some spicy responses, including one current pro predicting that Jon Rahm would win 10 majors. Here it is:
Out of the following group, who ends their career with the most majors and why: Rory (currently: 4), Brooks (4), Spieth (3), Morikawa (2), JT (2), DJ (2), Rahm (2) or Scheffler (1)?
The right answer is either Rory or Brooks because winning even one major is nearly impossible, but the sexy right answer is either Spieth (I’m convinced he’ll win like nine Opens) or Rahm (he’s basically DJ but with a better short game early in his career). Probably the most consistently great player since Tiger.
👉️ I always enjoy writing this final Masters thread.
👉️ Andy Johnson on playing ANGC for the first time is terrific.
👉️ This thread of Masters champions as Taylor Swift songs by Nikki Dunagan is extraordinary.
👉️ This Q&A with Scottie Scheffler by Dylan Dethier flew under the radar, but I learned some stuff about him (he like expensive tequila!) and enjoyed it quite a bit.
👉️ I wrote about Rory’s forever war last week. Sadly, nothing has changed.
👉️ Brendan Porath wrote what I thought was the best article of the entire tournament about Phil on Thursday.
👉️ This got a bit lost, but Jose Maria Olazabal absolutely stomping after his ball on No. 6 as it rolled off the front of the green amused me to no end.
True sicko behavior within the golf community.
Every time I hear Gary Player speaking these days — which is disproportionately a lot during Masters week — even as I'm watching his lips move and hearing the sound his vocal cords make, I still always think it’s KVV doing a voiceover impersonation instead of Gary Player himself. My brain is broken.
If you’ve never heard KVV doing GP, do yourself a favor.
I also enjoyed known sicko, JT, making sure everyone knows he’s a sicko.
4: That’s the number of golfers who have lived at 2.0 strokes gained or better since the day Jon Rahm turned pro. If you’re at 2.0 strokes gained or better, you’re almost certainly a top five player in the world. It means you’re two strokes better per round than the average PGA Tour player. Here are the four guys.
Rahm: 2.26
Rory: 2.12
DJ: 2.05
JT: 2.02
Quotes worth thinking about.
“You probably don’t write your best when you have sensory blitzkrieg.” -Brandel Chamblee
Come for Brandel using the term “sensory blitzkrieg” three separate times when talking about the final round of the Masters, but stay for Rich Lerner’s reaction to it.
Honestly might be turning into the Spieth meme of the week. Just an insane collection of snapshots that can and will be used at various times over the next several months. The Greller-ball one is an all-timer.
On Sunday, Spieth gave a quote that encapsulated his entire Masters experience, all of these memes and, honestly, most of his entire career.
“I made seven birdies, so I wish I posted a lower number.”
I can’t imagine Elon dreamed the golf content would be this good, even for $44B. The response below to my tweet about JMO hitting balls on the range with “Greller in 30 days” sent me into a tailspin. An all-timer.
I missed this Phil one from a few weeks ago, but it is perfect.
Here are the results from our Masters family draft. Jude got saved by Spieth’s seven birdies a the very end after enduring runs from Hannah and (against all odds) Sadie.
*Scoring was a player’s total score and then for the rounds they missed for a MC or WD, we take the round average and add three strokes. So Rory was +4 for Round 3 and +4 Round 4 because both rounds were a 73 scoring average.
I’ll be giving away a pair of TRUE kicks to a randomly drawn referrer (just use the link below) once we hit 5,000 subscribers (currently at 4,780). The more referrals you rack up, the better your chance to win!
If you’re new here, you can subscribe below.
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